The past few months have been a whirlwind in so many ways. I don't think all of it has caught up to me yet. I still feel like I need to spend time everyday trying to wrap my head around all of it. For the past two and half years I feel as if I was living for and through other people. I don't think the focus was where it should have been and eventually the consequences of that kind of lifestyle caught up with me. Mentally, I shed so many layers in the past few months that I feel a physical weight has been lifted. It's that profound, really. It's been such a wonderful period of discovery. I don't think I ever lost who I am, I think I just successfully covered myself up enough to not let reality in or myself out. I don't know if that would make sense to anyone else.
Anyway, the point is I'm happy. I'm so excited about the future. I want to do so much. This is a new thing too, the wanting to do more with my life thing. I was so committed to taking care of someone who did not want or need taking care of that I lost some of my own drive. I'm happy that I got it back though. I can't say I regret this whole process. I've fallen in love twice and learned so much about other people and myself. If I had to regret anything, it would be hurting the other people involved. I didn't always do the right thing. That'll change though. I get it now.
